Role Models

Parents: Do you hate your kids rock star role models? Do you feel rejected when it seems like they admire could be criminals rather than you? How do you introduce proper role models?



Teens: Do your parents think you are influenced more by your favorite musicians and movie stars than you actually are? Are your parents your greatest role models? Are your parents bad role models?

Parents and teens, use this post to discuss good and bad role models.

When I was in highschool I was a bit retro. I liked the popular music that was on the radio like Pearl Jam and Beastie Boys, but my favorite bands were the Doors and Led Zepplin. You'd think my parents would be more comfortable with me listening to that than the music of my generation, but after my discovered drug and alcohol use they weren't.

It probably is true that the rebirth of 60's and 70's psychodelic music directly corresponded with the rise in drug use when I was teenager, but did the music inspire the drug use or was that kind of music appealing to drug users? I can't remember if I drank and smoked before I starting listening to the Doors or if it was the other way around. I personally don't think it had an influence on my drug and alcohol abuse regardless of the order in which it happened.

I was however, completely star struck by Jim Morrison. I read books about his life as well as his collections of poetry. I liked the way he dressed, sang and performed. I guess because I drank and used drugs, I didn't fault him for doing the same. In fact I found his Dionysian life style cool. I used facts about his genius level IQ and what I thought was genius poetry to justify my admiration. He was my idol and the posters on my wall and the necklace around my neck proved it.

After my parents found out about my own little Dionysian lifestyle, my mother began to challenge my admiration for people like Morrison and Hendrix. I ranted off my usual facts and assumptions and compared my idols to more respectable artists and thinkers like Poe, Baudelaire and Nietzsche. I felt I had the upper hand on my mom, because after all I had practically memorized Morrison's life.

I haven't mentioned yet that my mom is a parenting genius. Rather than debate a biased teenager, she gave me a task. She had me compose a list of admirable and role model worthy traits of my idols. Oh yeah, she was good. I began writing my list by staring at a sheet of paper for twenty minutes. What at first I thought would be easy, turned out to be really difficult. I had my usual facts about artistic ability and IQ, but I knew those really weren't role model quality or mom worthy. I had to come up with something bullet proof, but I couldn't find it. Finally I gave my mom what I knew was a pitiful list for her to completely destroy. I knew I had lost the debate before she could open her mouth.

The task served its purpose. She had proven to me that just because someone is good at something, it doesn't mean they are worth idolizing. It didn't even require a lecture to explain. I had realized it while I was trying to come up with the stupid list. The lesson of that list could be useful to a lot of people young and old.

Alcohol

Parents: Does your teen drink? Do you let your teen drink? Do you think your teen has a serious drinking problem? Do you have a drinking problem?

Teens: Do your parents have a drinking problem? Do your parents let you drink? Do you have a drinking problem?

Parents and teens, use this post to discuss alcohol abuse and underage drinking.

I drank alot when I was in highschool and underage. I hated school because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I had a bit of social anxiety and nervousness around big groups although I enjoyed some popularity. I excelled at art and music, I didn't have problems with girls or sports. I just felt that I wasn't heading in any sort of direction. Not to brag, but sometimes I felt, and still do, that I was a jack of all trades and master of none. When you have no direction or goals that can be a very confusing and somewhat depressing place to be.
The one thing that I found I was really good at and made me feel good doing it, was drinking. I was small. Around 100 lbs, but could drink bottles of liquer without flinching. I was the life of the parties. I had girls hanging on my every word, I had guys cheering me on. I was a master of my realm.

I got caught when I came home one morning from an "inocent sleep over" hung over. Like many parents, mine thought it was a one time thing and that this hangover would teach me a lesson. Yeah right! Because the trusted me and I wasn't a trouble maker by any means, they didn't quite let the hammer fall. After a couple of years of partying a couple of times a week and not getting caught it had turned into a big problem.

After I came home one night drunk as a skunk and soaking wet from a midnight swim with my clothes still on, the hammer did fall. I was severely punished and lectured and convinced to spill the beans on all the details of my drinking. After the shock wore off and speaking with my pediatrician PEDIATRICIAN!, I was enrolled in out patient drug and alcohol counceling. It was here that I learned what a true "burn out" was like. These people were complete idiots. They couldn't keep from lighting a joint in the freezer while working at the Captain D's. I finally saw that drugs and alcohol could be a problem. For me, the doctor said I was probably a few parties away from developing alcoholism. Looking back at it, I probably was. But at the time I didn't think of it as a problem. I knew that I could stop at any time and that it wasn't a crutch. If I had kept going perhaps I would have felt differently. Luckily it didn't get that far.
I decided that it was time for me to quit. I became more aware of my life and how I affected the people around me. Imediatly my family life changed. I talked to my parents. And the shocking thing was, I kept most of the same friends. We all decided to do different things on weekends.

You can try to figure out what was the driving force behind me quiting, I still do. Was it my parents who forced me into the counseling? Was it the Counseling itself? Was it the burn outs at the hostpital? Was it a personal decision? I think it was a combination of all of them. I opened my eyes to how it much it hurt my mother, how much it effected my attitude and outlook on life. I realized that I couldn't live like that forever. I'm glad I did.
Now parents, don't think that I got away with evrything or that my parents were push overs. When I look back at this as a parent myself now, it scares me to know that if I could sneak this by MY parents, how will I notice a problem with my son when he's a teenager?! My parents were very involved disciplinarians. If there is a manual on parenting written by God somewhere out there, my parents must have followed it.

I hope that the posts here will help both teens and parents talk about alcohol abuse and under age drinking. For example, I still enjoy drinking beer. Sometimes before football games I enjoy it a little too much. I'm not against drinking but I want teenagers to understand what it can do to their lives. It was hard for me to talk to my parents and I'm sure it was hard for thenm to talk to me. Hopefully because these aren't your teens and these aren't your parents, you can learn something from each other.

Drugs

Partents: Do you think your teen uses drug ? Do they show the warning signs of a serious drug problem? Are you concerned that they might be under pressure to start using?

Teens: Do you occassionally smoke pot? Do you think you have a problem with drugs? Or are your parents off their nut thinking you've used drugs?

Parents and teens, use this post to discuss drug use and its impact (or lack of impact) on your life and future.

Parents, I used drugs when I was a teenager. I never thought it was a problem, but obviously my parents did. Like most parents they assumed it was the result of some deep lying psychological reason. I smoked weed because it was something to do. They thought that I hung out with the wrong type of friends. I knew that it was my idea just as often as it was theirs. Drugs played second fiddle to alcohol for me personally.

The main point is, my paerents were determined on one thing... I had to stop. I suppose I could have been the typical teenager and put up a huge fight and smoked behind their backs or dropped out of school and smoked my life away, but I made the decision to stop on my own. You can argue, punish and explain your teenager's highschool years away but ultimately the decision to stop has to be theirs. And parents... sometimes when your teen says they don't know why they do something. It means they don't know why! There isn't always a deep lying reason.

Alright! Teenagers now you can tell parents why you take drugs (or why your friend does) and explain that it isn't a big deal, or confess that it is. Here's a chance to talk to parents just like yours.

Parents, you can try to convince these teens why drugs are a big deal, or ask them why you think your teen takes drugs. Here's your chance to talk to teens just like yours.